How Sean Bailey Got Killed By Timon and Pumba
by CoolCat9
Summary: You won't like cats when they're angry...


_"Everything the light touches is shit."_

Timon and Pumba busted through the doors of an office. It was the office of Disney "Motion Pictures" president Sean Bailey. Bailey stopped what he was doing (counting money) and looked at the two animated animals.

"What brings you here?" asked Bailey.

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY WE'RE HERE." Timon shouted, "YOU MADE US GAY IN YOUR STUPID REHASH OF OUR MOVIE!"

"Yes I did," said Bailey, "Aren't you happy?"

"NO!" said Timon, "Me and Pumba are NOT happy with this at all!"

"Because of what you did," said Pumba, "both our love interests left us and now creeps are trying to take advantage of us! And it's ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Look," said Bailey, "We are a corporation, and we need to make money. You are nothing but fictional characters. If I say you're gay, that's final!"

Bailey narrowed his eyes. "By the way, how did you get in here?

"I took care of that, you fucking dolt!" A voice suddenly said. That was the last thing Bailey heard. The last thing he saw was a purple masked hippo dropping from the ceiling and punching him in the face.

….

(Late Disk Claimer: I have no intention of harming Sean Bailey in real life. I'm not THAT crazy. I also don't support anyone else trying to harm him. What I will support is boycotting the Lion King remake and every other live action cash grab by Disney Motion Pictures. If they don't get money from them, they'll stop doing them. DON'T GIVE DISNEY YOUR MONEY!)

….

Sean Bailey woke up on the ground in the Pride Lands. He was tied up, and he surrounded by Timon, Pumba, and…

"THE MURRY!" Sean screamed as he saw the giant hippo who punched him now looming over his defenseless self.

"That's right, punk!" Murry said as he smashed his hands together, "If you're wondering why I'm working for these two, Sly and Bentley kicked me out for being a "fucking wuss" and being unable to kill worthy opponents. All the people I ever killed are those fucking losers who wanted me as a Christmas present and got me kidnapped, and Sly said they didn't fucking count!"

(A.N. Hi Pete!)

"Anyway, we dragged you out to the Pride Lands for one reason, and one reason alone!" said Timon.

"Spoiler alert…" said Pumba, "We're going to kill you."

"Slowly and painfully!" finished Murry.

Upon hearing that, Bailey started squirming and spasming like an earthworm, trying to get away. That was when Murry grabbed him.

Using Rafiki's staff (which he stole earlier) Murry pummeled the effing shit out of Bailey's face.

"FUCK *SMACK* YOU *SMACK* SEAN *SMACK* BAILEY *CRACK* YOU *SMASH* ARE *CRACK* A *CRASH* FUCKING *BASH* COCK *SMACK* SUCKER *CRACK*" Murry said as he did his work. He put his fury into every swing and with each effort got blood to leak from his victim.

When Murry was done, Bailey was laying on the ground howling in pain.

"Ready to move to part two?" asked Pumba.

"Hell yeah!" said Timon. Timon reached into his fur and pulled out a Bin Weevil that was hiding on his skin. He let the Bin Weevil crawl into Sean Bailey's ear.

"ARGH! yelled Bailey, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!"

"Oh, that thing?" Pumba said, "That thing is called a "Bin Weevil." In a short time, it will turn your brain into mulch."

(A.N. Hi XanderMartin!)

"Of course, since the brain has no nerve endings, you won't really feel any pain," Timon mused, "Which is where our second surprise crossover character comes in."

"What other crossover character?" Sean yelled.

"Oh you'll see. Say did you ever get past level 2 of the actual Lion King's video game?"

"OH FU-" Sean Biley was interrupted as Murry crushed his neck and windpipe with his big hands. The hippo hurled the puny man onto a nearby ostrich, who ran off with him atop her (The ostrich was named Olive. I only heard of the show so don't bitch at me for getting her character wrong. =/)

The ostrich ran through the Jungle with the stupid Disney executive on her back. Every time a branch or bramble was in her way, she intentionally jumped up against it to harm Bailey. Pretty soon Bailey was getting lacerated by all the brambles, to the point they started cutting through his muscles and into his abdominal cavity, which began filling with bile.

Soon Olive came to a ravine. with a sudden motion she launched Bailey into the depths of the rocky depression, where, upon landing, he broke half the bones in his body.

Olive then left the scene to get Murry for part three, the final blow. However, as Bailey lay paralysed and bleeding into the rock, his mouth suddenly began to move.

"God yzal eht revo.." Sean incanted, "..depmuj xof nworb kciuq eht.. HTROF EMOC DRATSAB DLANOD!"

In a flash of lightning (in more ways than one) storm clouds spawned and in the sky, the visage of the iconic Disney character, Donald Bastard, appeared.

(A.N. Hi John K! You rule!)

"QUACK QUACK QUACK HONK HONK HONK" The face of Donald Bastard said. Immediately, with VERY dark magic, he turned the suffering body of Sean Bailey into that of a powerful lion!

During the transformation, the Bin Weevil Timon tasked to destroy Sean's brain crawled out, afraid and scared. Maybe it was the transformation that spooked him? Or maybe he uncovered a dark secret? Who knows?

"Thank you," Sean said to the Bastard in the sky.

"QUACK," the face in the sky said. It then vanished, leaving behind some twinkly things that did indeed spell out "SEX."

…..

(A.N. That Bin Weevil did indeed uncover a dark secret: McDonalds is selling miniatures of the crappy rehash characters. Not only do I support boycotting The Lion King remake (unless you're viewing a pirated copy), I also support boycotting McDonalds happy meals during this promotion and other remake merchandise. AGAIN, DON'T GIVE THE MOUSE YOUR MONEY)

…

Murry was heading down the path leading to the bottom of the ravine.

"I can't wait to fucking rip that suckers heart out and show it to Sly so I can call him a "fucking wuss,"" Murry said, "I do hope Olive didn't kill- WHAT THE FU-"

Before he could process it, Murry was ferociously clawed to death by Bailey in his lion form. Timon and Pumba watched in shock from the bushes.

"Well that didn't go according to plan," said Pumba.

"I anticipated something like this happening, don't worry," Timon said with a grin that displayed some surprisingly shiny white teeth.

"Oh, I like where this is going!" said Pumba.

As Bailey looked around, trying to find Timon and Pumba, or Olive, a man with a hunting rifle stepped into view.

"Is that Clayton?" Bailey wondered. He looked at the man and frowned as much as he could. It wasn't Clayton at all! Instead it was the one, the only…

"WALTER PALMER?!" Sean Bailey yelled, "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

Aiming his rifle, Walter shot Bailey a gazillion times, his bullets ripping bloody holes in the were-lions hide. Bailey screamed in pain.

Walter then shot a final bullet. The bullet pierced the lion's heart, causing it to explode into pieces. The lion fell to the ground as its blood spilled out yet again.

But Sean wasn't able to call Donald Bastard for help, because HE WAS DEAD.

"THE MORON IS FINALLY DEAD!" Timon and Pumba cheered.

They went back to pride rock to tell everyone of the good news. A bunch of vultures descended on Bailey's corpse and started tearing the skin and muscles off his bones. Bsck at pride rock, every animal in the pride lands threw a big party. Sly and Bentley even joined, mostly because Murry was dead. Also the pipeline for Disney's live action remakes was shut off due to Bailey no longer existing, and of course, the idea was retarded anyway.


End file.
